When I first wrote this article, Facebook was the only game in town.  It was new on the heels of MySpace.  Today, in 2018 you have a lot more to choose from.  Twitter, Instagram, and SnapChat.  Plus, all of the underground sites parents aren’t supposed to know about.    Social Media is a serious discussion to have often with your kids!

 

Last week, my meanest mom on the block reputation was challenged. I was used in an argument between mother and child on whether or not the child could have a Facebook account. As if I was some new curse word, the kid told his mom… “Well Steven’s mom let him have a Facebook”… And in comes the resentment. What mom on the planet wants to hear what another mom thinks? Only she is allowed to use my name for leverage… “If you don’t behave, I will send you to the meanest mom on the block’s house to live.” WHATEVER! I don’t care if they use me in their argument, as long as it gets the conversation going. And going it did. The mom fenced the idea of Facebook. Told the kid “NO.” And that is her choice. Let me make my case for Facebook. I have a few fast rules for a pre-teen and teen to get the authorization to join the community that is Facebook

• At least one parent must be a member of Facebook
• Parent must be “friends” meaning the kid requests you as a “friend” on their page.
• Parent has access to the password to their child’s account.Nothing big. It keeps your kids safe, and it keeps you in the know. I also have a rule as a parent on Facebook, that I do not make “friend” requests with my kid’s friends. I don’t ask them. But if however, they invite me, I am happy to friend them. 5 or 6 years ago, I would have been much more cautious allowing my middle school kids on this type of site, but as a user of the world-wide-web since its inception, I have seen it come a long way!Back to the mom/child argument. The mother said her son spent enough time on the internet and did not need another place to go. I counter with “How do you know every site he is on? How do you know if he is chatting with strangers?”  I have talked to my children about friend choices. Has to be someone they know or have met. Under no circumstances friend an adult, they do not know. Or, their parents do not know.

  If you allow your kid on Facebook, you have to be vigilant about checking their posts. But don’t feel the need to discipline online. Unless necessary. My daughter and her BFF got into a rather heated discussion that involved another girl. I thought it went too far. I told them both that they would be off Facebook in a New York minute if I ever saw anything like it again. It was not cyberbullying by any stretch, but it was not nice. And if it is possible that the other girl could feel hurt, I did not want my daughter involved. Bullying will beget bullying as far as I am concerned.

  My last argument for Facebook was that my kids go to a huge middle school. HUGE! By my kid “friending” 300 or more people at school, I have a better idea of the community in which they spend seven hours a day. If I want to know about someone, I ask. I found that for the most part, the kids are civil, and the posts are silly. But on the rare occasion that I think something is out of line, I discuss it with my kid. No one is hurt or embarrassed, and life goes on. They also have a wider net of people with which to say hello to school. Even if they are not friend-friends, they are Facebook “friends”!

  If you are willing to join up with your kid, then this “mean” mom says go for it! By joining together, they have a net with which to catch them. “My mom did not like that post.” Puts you in the bad guy seat. It is hard enough for kids to follow their moral compass. Having a safety net is nice. Plus, they are not quite aware that the photo posted in their bra will be around when they have grandchildren! Your quiet presence acts as a conscience for your kid.

  My only caveat for your kid not having the page is that if you have a completely inappropriate page complete with drunk party pictures. Perhaps your kid needs to ban you!