Let the consequence do all of the screamings, so you won’t have to.

What if I told you that you could keep the peace in your home and give up screaming and yelling forever? What if I said that you are already an expert at this technique? Every day of your life, you avoid consequences. For when you receive a consequence, it does all of the screamings you ever need to hear right in your head. Ever get a ticket for driving too fast? Did you ever get fired for poor performance? Did you ever fail a test that you chose not to study? You get it. Whatever the consequence, you did not need anyone in your face, because the consequence was doing all of the screaming and yelling. Did your parent ever say “I am not going to punish you? I believe you have been punished enough?” They are referring to the screaming consequence. Society is full of screaming consequences. Consequences are what keep our society somewhat civil.

I would like to tell you I am a perfect parent. My kids would like to tell you otherwise. I have heard from many moms and dads that they feel that they yell too much. Let me introduce you to the screaming consequence.

When you use consequences for unfavorable actions, the consequence does all of the screaming for you. Occasionally I fall off the consequence wagon, forget myself and look like a screaming cartoon character. A raving lunatic to my four kids.

Consequences on the ready in your back pocket so to speak are gems for parents. Teachers are champions of the screaming consequence. How else could they keep their cool day after day with a room full of kids?

Consequences must be swift and consistent. You do “A” and you will get “B”. Period.

Consequences can be negotiated ahead of time. Everyone can be on the same page in the planning. You can have a family meeting in which you lay your list of non-negotiable rules that will be cause for consequences. You can discuss the list and make additions or omissions. Once you have your list, then you can all discuss the consequence for breaking a rule. Allow for a little bit of humor on this. Kids can’t help themselves. Sometimes the parents can’t either. Once the joking is over, get down to business. Make sure consequences are age appropriate and fair to the misdeed. Allow the kids to participate, but like the teacher in the classroom, the parents have the final word.

In the classroom, often teachers will discuss consequences for actions at the beginning of the term so that every child is clear on what is expected. Some teachers have kids sign contracts. Some teachers allow their students to participate in the design of consequences. Either way, there are no surprises out of left field. Kids break the rule, and they know what to expect.

You can quickly implement this at home. I usually do a refresher every season. What will the consequence be for X, Y, and Z?

The choices are yours. I have time out consequences for name-calling. I have extra chores consequences for belligerence or back talk. I have dishes for a week consequences for teenagers who don’t do the full job right after the first “do-over” warning. The no friends over until peace is made consequence when siblings are rotten to one another.

When children learn early about consequences, they learn self-discipline. Every aspect of life has natural consequences. The sooner they learn of them, the easier to avoid them, and the better equipped they are to accept them when they come.