Pretty in Pink — Fabulous in a Lab Coat
STEM is an acronym referring to the academic disciplines of science, technology, engineering, and mathematics.
As a mom who has raised four kids, and nanny who has helped raised many, I love to eliminate the “facts” thrown at us as parents and consumers, and what “they” maintain our children are absorbing. In her book Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Peggy Orenstein reflects on the perceived dangers in raising our daughters as princess loving girlie girls. Ms. Orenstein and I disagree. I am all for the girly girl. Sadly, the author places in the same boat, the princess fantasy of Disney, and the very real human that is Miley Cyrus. Miley Cyrus is not a role model. She was a teenager shot to fame, and as a young adult is just now trying to find her balance. Miley is not the poster child for a wholesome upbringing that later rebelled, only to become a sex object. As an underage performer, both of her parents were well aware of the inappropriate limits that were pushed in the name of superstardom. They encouraged her every step of the way. Several years ago, I read in an article where Miley is quoted as saying that she is no role model, as she is just trying to figure things out herself. She knows her lane, and is not in the twerking world, as a role model, but merely as a performer trying to stay afloat.
See that cute little four year old up above all dressed up and ready for the party? She is going to an organized dress-up event full of fun, full of pink, and full of girlie girls and their moms out for a day of fun! No harm, no foul… just a day of being a girl.
There is an all-out war going on about the dangers of Cinderella, and Barbie, and any type of girly girl passion of the moment. Pink is in danger of damaging our girls and their self-esteem, and self-worth, and intelligence. A war on pink? This is all so ridiculous!
Mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, and grandparents need to take a stand. Your two, three, and four year old will not turn into a dimwitted, empty teen or young adult — unless you let them! That’s right. I said it — it is the home environment that makes that call, not society. Disney princesses are pure fantasy. Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears are real people. Beauty pageants for babies, toddlers, and young tweens have nothing to do with the girl and everything to do with the adults. It is up to the home environment to illustrate the differences between actual, fantasy, and just pure silly. I have never met a one-year-old hoping to be a beauty queen. The reality television show Toddlers and Tiaras borders on abuse. The instant fame phenom of reality TV will not last forever. As history shows us, fads come and go, but excellent taste is forever.
No one is born looking like Barbie. There is something missing in the Barbie wanna-be’s home life to justify the twisted surgical manipulation it takes to want to become a real-life Barbie. Education is key. Especially education in beauty. That true beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and not on the cover of a magazine.
But I digress. Let me get back to Cinderella and her peers. There is a time and place in developmental growth for all sorts of fun PLAY! Be fair in expectations. In my house, Barbie and her Princess counterparts were devoid of any good looks pretty fast, as hair got cut or knotted, and shoes soon disappeared, only to be found under some unknowing adults barefoot in the middle of the night. Ballgowns were removed, and often haphazardly put back on. And soon a collection of desecrated dolls would be in the corner ready to recycle in favor of a new group to arrive. Mattel was pretty genius in making them so affordable!
That adorable four year old in the image above told me yesterday that when she grows up, she wants to be a princess. When I asked her why her response was remarkably straightforward. “Everybody needs a job.” In her mind, a girl that gets to wear a ball gown every day has a pretty decent gig. And you know what? She should think that when she is four. This precious little soul has seen every princess film known to Disney and otherwise. And at her young age, she gets “it.” She knows it is fantasy, but if somehow she could make it into a real-life career, she was all in!
I don’t see books and articles on the “dangers” of boys growing up wanting to be superheroes. I have cared for many boys that have worn various superhero costumes for days on end, refusing to switch to a more appropriate outfit that would conform to societies expectations. These young boys trust with all of their might that they will grow up to be Superman. In my thirty years of nanny experience, no one has grown up to be Clark Kent. Not one. So why then, is there such concern for our girls? Why is no one concerned for the future of men who wear their pants on the ground?
My 24-year-old daughter, will receive her law degree in 2014 and plans to practice patent law. No easy feat, as she was granted two degrees in her necessary undergrad which she completed in four years, from the University of California at Irvine. One degree in physics, and a second degree in political science. That physics degree is one of the most difficult courses of study for undergrads. This petite brown haired, chocolate eyed beauty loved every princess movie known to the Disney kingdom and still does. I stayed up all night to complete a Belle costume for her and a Snow White costume for her sister. Many Halloween nights have since followed that have seen a Disney princess or two or three come out of my front door. What my daughter never dresses as, however, is a common streetwalker ala, Miley and Britney. She knows how to use her femininity to her advantage, and none of it includes behaving as ignorant or like a sex object.
She is every bit girly girl as she is smart. Talk to her about the nuptials of Prince William and his Princess Kate, and she is all mush. Talk to her about the theory of relativity, and she is all serious physicist. She wears high heels and makeup and loves a great up to the minute outfit. She knows she is all woman, but she embraces the power that says mentally, she can go toe to toe with any boy on the block.
At the end of the day, if you are worried about all of the pink, embrace exceptionally strong educational values. As the brilliant Adam Sorkin ( The Social Network), whispered to his ten-year-old daughter at a recent awards show, “Smart women have more fun!” This I know for sure to be true. My second daughter is in the graduate producing program at UCLA. They accept only 13 to the program. She graduated Magna Cum Laude in her undergrad work. She is also not afraid to be a girl but will discuss movie budgets and stats with any executive male in Hollywood. She is not afraid of hard work, or her intelligence. She knows fantasy is part of childhood and hopes to be part of Disney movie/fantasy making. The better educated— the more confident she is in her own skin.
Self-respect always begins at home. So grab your super creative, smart, beautiful four-year-old daughter, and get all dressed up in pink and fluff, if that is what she wants. I guarantee the phase will pass, and other interests will come their way. Take the looks, the diet, and the low self-esteem off of the table. Instead, fill the table with dialogue and influential books filled with stories about extraordinary women. There has never been a better time to be a girl!
Originally published: Mar 22, 2011, Edited in 2014