The One Thing You Should Never Do When You Are in Public With Your Kids…

It is the cardinal rule of really fine parenting to never ignore a public display of unruly behavior by your child, no matter how benign you think it may be. It is the number one complaint I receive from people and the reasons they give for not liking children.

What’s that you say? Not your child? Ever? Puhleeeeeese! Every child has been known to show less than admirable behavior in public; my perfect angels included!

I will never forget Ariana at just a mere three months of age, exercising her vocal cords in a restaurant. I had slipped away to the restroom, and when I returned, my husband sat oblivious with his chips and salsa talking to someone as if he could not hear. When I approached him horrified, I asked him what he was doing about the baby. “Nothing,” he replied casually. I am ignoring her, just like you taught me. This was the moment he chose to heed my parenting advice? Good thing we were in public. I might have chosen that moment to pummel him! I scooped Ariana out of her seat and took her outside to soothe her now wailing cries. I explained to my darling husband that ignoring a bored crying child at home is not the same as in public!

It does not matter if it is the waiting room at a doctors office, the movie theater, the sale rack at last call at Neiman’s, the long wait for a ride a Disneyland, or in the grocery store or mall. Remove your child, and handle it! NOW! If you take care of a toddler the first time they try the public tantrum, it will nearly be their last time. I adore children, but nothing grates my nerves faster than a screaming, inconsolable child in a store, with a parent strolling along oblivious.

It is not just the meltdown that is a problem; it is the naughty child that stirs up a negative conversation. The kid kicking the back of the airplane seat, the child running and screaming all around the doctor’s waiting room, or worse yet, jumping on the waiting room couch all the while being ignored by their parent.

What is a parent to do during the stressful holiday season?

Make sure your child is rested. Seems simple enough, but do you really need to run an errand right smack in the middle of naptime? Can you wait just two hours? How would you enjoy a stroll in the mall, in the middle of the night when you are soundly sleeping? Probably would find it a bit disrupting would be my guess. If you have no other choice, bring along their favorite blanky, and make sure they are in comfy stroller clothes, not fancy show off clothes!

How about making sure he or she is well nourished. Seems simple enough, but Cheerios don’t count as a meal. Even breast milk can cause stress in loud bright places, where you feed your child on the fly as if you were filling your gas tank. Feedings were meant to be stress-free events. They were not intended for a Nordstrom bathroom.

For older children, make sure you clearly outline what your expectations are for wherever it is that you are going. Can a two or three-year-old traipse all through a shopping mall on foot for more than an hour? Wouldn’t a stroller be better? What about a tired seven year old who has been at school all day, and it is now nearly bedtime? Meltdowns can happen at any age!

What if you have a long wait in a grown-up doctors office without toys? Bring your Mary Poppins bag of tricks and toys. As tempting as five-year-old magazines look, please make an effort to engage with your child. Books, small quiet toys, and a lot of attention will usually keep them well behaved.

What about restaurants? I have been able to bring my children to restaurants since they were babies (the Ariana scenario was a one-time incident), and have rarely had a problem. Until of course, Steven came along. That kid can throw up like no one I have ever seen! He does not know when he is full, so we have to watch for that glazed look that falls upon his face! We remove him quickly and quietly! If you sit as a family at home, dinner out should never be a problem. Practice good manners, and quiet conversational dinner at home: have quiet dinners out! This practice will also help when you are eating at family and friends homes.

In short, be alert, and be attentive. If you address a situation quickly without ignoring it, it will usually work itself out in a matter of moments. Sometimes a tantrum seems eternal, but if you were actually to time it, you would be amazed that it is pretty short when it is taken care of immediately.

Once, on an airplane trip across country with one-year-old Alexandra, her ears were killing her! Our first trip to Disney World and she had an infection coming on. As a seasoned former airline employee at the time, I tried every rule in the book to soothe her in high altitude, but to no avail. As I was holding her close to my chest praying for peace and quiet, a large hand lay upon my shoulder. I looked up to see a well-dressed businessman smiling down on me. “Don’t worry,” he said… “The time goes so fast…before you know it, she will be grown, and you will look back and wish for her to be a baby again.” He had a soft touch and the compassion of an angel. Because I was doing my best to handle the situation, I was met with kindness. But you know what? He was right. I do wish once in a while that the twenty-year-old today were a baby for just one more moment in time.

It did go so fast!

A child is screaming in the front pews of the church during mass. As the mother gets up to remove the child, the Priest says, “It is o.k., he is not bothering me…” and the mother replies ” Thank you Father, but apparently you are bothering him!”