My official job title on my marriage certificate is “Governess.”  Today, that same job title would be Nanny.   When I was a nanny, I was Mary Poppins, and Maria Von Trapp all rolled into one.  I took that role very seriously and worked hard to incorporate mommy and daddy throughout the day.

Ideally, this is what you would love to have for your children. Fun, but no nonsense. Loving, but not the mom. Can make fun out of folding socks. Bedtime a delight. Can wash hair in the bathtub without a screaming tantrum, and get them to eat their vegetables! Ideally, she is a much-needed employee to the family unit and practically perfect in every way!

Simple it seems, but not so easy to find. The people I worked for knew I loved children with all of my heart and soul. But, a perfect nanny is not without problems. You probably should not have a private nanny, if you are threatened by the affection your child will have for her. They spend a tremendous amount of time together, and it should be a time your child enjoys. A great nanny will incorporate mommy and daddy throughout the day in all that they do. She will not displace you. But beware the pitfalls of having a great private nanny:

You leave a to-do list that seems impossible when you wrote it, yet she accomplishes every task. If this makes you bitter and competitive, a private nanny is not for you. I was often met with a resentful mother when she would return from a trip with all of the tasks completed. I somehow failed her. Give your employee a list. They accomplish the task, and you are bitter. How were they to know it was a test?

Your little one falls head over heals in love with the nanny. If you feel threatened by this, a private nanny is not for you. Your child feeling love for the nanny is a very positive thing. You will always be the mom or dad, but a full-time nanny is the important secondary(and nearly primary) caregiver to your child. Did you see the episode of Desperate Housewives,  when Lynette could not take the happiness and calm the children had with the nanny? She tried to sabotage her at every turn.

If it seems as if your children are happy and well-adjusted, and don’t put up a fuss when you leave, and this bothers you, a private nanny is not for you.

If your husband thinks she is doing a great job and says so, and you feel extreme jealousy, then a private nanny is not for you.

If however, you love the idea of happy, secure children in the care of someone that loves them as if they were their own, and you are secure in the knowledge that you, and you alone will always be “mom”, then, by all means, a private nanny is for you! She will become a part of your family culture. And if you are lucky, she will always be a part of your life!

I was never hired through an agency. It was always through word of mouth. Check with your friends and family. If you don’t have any recommendations, check with more than one agency. Check all references.

You can weed out very quickly by going with your very first instinct upon meeting the prospective nanny. Much like when you first meet someone, and you know instantly whether or not you will be friends. If you don’t like her right off, you probably won’t grow to like her.

Hiring a Private In-Home Nanny

Ask how she feels about “nanny cams”. Ask about how she feels about a background check. Professional nannies will not feel threatened. If they are defensive, move along. Trustline registration for the nanny is an additional $130 and is required by California state law. Trustline is a complete background check started by a mother whose child was blinded by “shaking.” Don’t take a chance. Spend the money. Your nanny may already be listed with Trustline, and that will afford you immediate comfort.  Don’t cut a corner. Spend the money.

Private nannies are professionals and should be treated as such. Salary, vacation pay, overtime, and medical benefits. What will be offered, and what will not be. This should all be discussed and outlined up front.

Discuss house rules. What is absolutely off limits. Open and honest communication will benefit everyone.