If You Say “NO” Will Your Child Still Like You?

A child rarely dislikes a parent for the “no” they say, or the food they serve, or the rules they make. If your child does not like you (really and truly does not like you), it is probably because you don’t like your child. Studies have shown that even when you reject your child, it takes many years for the child to in turn reject you. A child will usually do what it takes to try to win your love.

Children want to love, and in turn, be loved. They are simple in this basic need. The more you accept them and their unique personality, the more they shower you with love and respect. Sounds simple, right? It is.

Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated. The more appreciation you give, the more you get. Sometimes it doesn’t seem so, but in the grand scheme of things, it is true. What goes around, comes around. I certainly don’t have to tell you; my intelligent reader, that you can’t please everyone, and certainly not everyone will like you! So, stop worrying about whether or not your child loves you or will even “like” you. They come into the world counting on you to love them! They rely on you! For an average healthy child, love is automatic. Teach them how to love and how to be loved.

Many of the parents I have worked with over the years have a fear of rejection from their child. One mother goes so far as to say that she will only cook what her child demands so that he will like her. Another mother will not brush her child’s hair, because she won’t let her. And still one more can’t bear to see her child grimace on even the simplest of medications. She rewards him with candy if he cooperates. These mothers are confused. The child is obstinate rather than hateful. It has to do with power and control. Not love or like for the parent

So, what to do? You might refer to my article on “Can You Spoil With Love?” for examples.

The quick answer is that it is human nature to not want to confront people. Especially children. But children are resilient to loving discipline and will survive your direction. There, of course, is a caveat to this. You cannot beat your child. You cannot verbally abuse your child, and you certainly cannot bully your child. Loving mutual respect is the way to go.

How then, how do you get your way? Stand your ground. If something in your family is not working because of the behavior of a child, take control. Kids smell fear. I say, fear not! Ever notice the best teachers are usually the “meanest”? Every one of the kid’s respects and adores him or her. The teacher is not in it for the “like factor,” and neither should you be. The teacher knows that respect and like go hand in hand.

When there is no conflict, make sure you tell your child often how much you love them. Praise often, and love freely. All relationships take work. Even relationships with kids. Take it slow and easy. The rewards, in the end, are priceless.

Don’t go overboard with the gush. Kids are world class experimenters and testers. If you praise (with exuberance) them every single time they put pen to paper, or use the potty, or eat their lunch, they will test you. How? First, they will do simple scratch for art, and see your reaction. Once they are adept at bathroom use, they will still try for the reward. So, turn your applause meter down a notch and ween them from it. When they first draw; it is a big round of clapping and jumping. Same with the potty, same with food. It is different than the art that takes a long time”, or “thank you for using the potty, and washing your hands,” or “I am glad you enjoyed your lunch” will suffice. Constant cheer-leading applause starts to bore even the tiniest of people. Because you cheer at every little effort, they stop believing your sincerity. As your child grows, there will be plenty of “cheer-leading” moments. When used properly, your child knows from the bottom of their hearts that no one loves them more than you.

So, back to the original “like,” or “dislike.” Happiness, or unhappiness? I am pretty sure no child has ever died from not getting the toy or candy they see at the store. I haven’t read of any girl being pummeled by her friends because she is not wearing thong underwear at the age of 11. The latest video game becomes passé in less than six months. If you say no, will your kid hate you? Only if you let them.