I Am Just Trying to Matter – A Volunteer’s Tale

At the 2006 Academy Awards, the always-gracious Reese Witherspoon ended her eloquent speech with a quote she attributed to the late June Carter-Cash. When folk would ask Ms. Carter-Cash how she was doing, she would reply, “I am just trying to matter.” And Reese ended the sentiment with her own heartfelt “that is how I feel; I am just trying to matter.”

Aren’t we all just trying to matter? This is such a simple sentiment with such a powerful message behind it.

Go to the PTO Today website blog section, where members are seeking help in the woes and pitfalls of volunteering. She said, he said, they did. When I speak to parents, I find it is the same all across the world. Competitive parents exist in every culture, in every language, in every part of the world. The central theme is that we as parents just want to matter. So, how can we achieve volunteer greatness in the schools and positively impact education without bringing home the dirt that comes with the job?

Although it is not easy, it can be done.

I was a PTA President of my two older daughters’ elementary K-8 school. I came on board when no one else wanted the job, and some of the teachers pleaded with my husband to get involved too. He graciously pitched me. A good man, my husband. When the heat is on, give it to the wife! At the time, my two youngest children were just one and two years old! I made a deal with the Principal. If she did not mind the presence of two toddlers in tow, I would step up to the plate. She graciously accepted my offer, and so began a two-year tumultuous term. I was a familiar sight on campus with my double stroller close by.

I had always been a behind the scenes worker. Therefore, I wasn’t fully immersed in the ugly politics that went on. When I attended my first meeting, I had my “rose colored” glasses on, and the spirit of a brand new cheerleader. I attended the PTA training convention and looked forward to the pristine records I would be handed. I thought the outgoing President would be my friend. Does the transfer of the Clinton/Bush administration mean anything to you? Talk about bitter! No overturned desks in offices, but still, the storage room was in shambles. Records were hard to make sense of, and the banking records were atrocious.

My Presidential term would be better. No fighting, no ugliness. Just united parents helping one another for the good of the school.  Was I ever wrong! When I began, I assumed I was with like-minded parents who wanted the best for not just their child, but for all children. It was not until my term was up, that one very involved mother told me that parents stepped up because they had their agendas and needs.

My husband became my Executive Vice President. It was not pretty. Living in a small townhouse with four kids (two in diapers) and running a PTA was a challenge. Armed with an education from the latest PTA convention, my husband questioned my every move. A trained pilot, he does not leave much to error. He is a “by the book” kind of guy. Also, I had a retired marine (also a trained pilot) as an officer. When the two men got together, there was hell to pay if I did not go according to the law of the PTA. On the other hand, I had mothers who wanted to make it casual “fun” with meetings on soft cushions in the backyard. Puhleeese! The word “fun” started to become a word that meant anything but fun. Isn’t it fun to do a job well, I thought. What should have been “fun” work turned into arduous forty plus hours a week. For free! Suddenly parents felt the need to tell me exactly what they thought of me. Manners? Diplomacy? Forget about it. Critics could not wait to sling mud! And this was with my team of members! Everyone wanted to be the boss without being the boss. “I get no respect” became an understatement! There had to be a better way! And there is.

Ironically it was the parents who worked outside the home full time that were the staunchest supporters. They were all so gracious,  stopping me in the grocery store to thank me. They sent lovely notes of gratitude. Between those parents, the staff, and the students, my job was worth every minute! I had to step back and look at the big picture. I learned that I could not let the “bad apples” take me down and spoil my efforts.

It is imperative to treat the PTA/PTO/Parent Group as if it were a business. Someone has to be boss. They are elected to serve. Cut them some slack! If you were working for a Fortune 500 company, it would never occur to you to disrespect and put down the hierarchy. Your job would depend on your good behavior and professionalism. The very same rules apply when you volunteer. Everyone deserves respect for the job they do. The top three officers have it tough. Their name (and hence reputation) goes on everything during the time they serve. If the IRS decides to audit the books, those officers are the ones whose names are called first! If a budget is not met, or parents are not happy, they are the first ones on the firing line. One by one, down they go. It is easy to judge the volunteer who is not being paid, even if his or her title is President. If we put a price on their work and paid them a hefty salary, would we be so quick to take them down? Probably not. A salary means something. It carries with it credence for the title. Lack of pay should bring with it even more respect. Sure, some parents have an agenda; but for the most part, parent volunteers are just trying to matter. Just like you and me.

Have you thanked your parenting board for the job they do on behalf of children?