High SAT & ACT Score! – To Whom Does the Hard Earned Success Belong?

The SAT is the score teens want to conquer to gain entrance into the college of their choice.  But, what is it about parenting, that when our kid does well, we take credit and include ourselves in the success, but if they go down the wrong path, it is someone else’s doing? It must have been anyone other than our kid. It can’t be our kid! And when they do well, it is “we”…

Recently a mother shared with me that SAT scores had arrived: “Our scores have arrived, and we are pleased with how we did!”

Excuse me? “WE?”… Is there a new form of the SAT that allows the mother – still connected to the umbilical cord – to take the test alongside her child? Is there a new brain wave program you can buy to send the answers straight to your child’s mind?

By saying “we,” that mother stole her child’s’ hard earned score. Oh yes, I know she shed tears and real sweat on behalf of her kid. She worried and probably shelled out $1000.00 or more for the child to take the private classes that are offered to succeed, but at the end of the day, it was the kid that sat for the test.

Hours have been spent in the family car to taking this kid from one place to the other just to get to this point, and no good deed goes unpunished! If you are not receiving the pat on the back you think you deserve; it’s ok. Every hour, minute, and test heretofore leads up to this month of November.

The college application process! The moment you have been waiting for since your precious offspring first saw the light of day!

This coffee talk sits on the heels of my college essays of best fit, vs. best rank. To whom does the future belong? Anyone? Bueller? For those of you that answered “the kids!”, You get a sticker. For those that believe your kids’ success is your success, please take a seat in the back of the room.

Like every expecting mother before me, I was seeking my seat at the front of the class, knowing I was growing in my womb, future doctors, captains of industry, and sheer geniuses! With every day that I carried that little bundle, I just knew mine would be the special one… And then just like that! Whooosh! goes the broken bag of waters, push, goes the yelling mother, and scream goes the brand new, ugly baby! Just like every other human born in that instant…mine entered the world, screaming, naked, and covered in goo.

And that was all I wanted. Perfect! A perfect baby! And each of my children was their own kind of perfect. Even my precious Stephanie who passed on her first day of life was here for a reason and was her own kind of perfect.

As my children grew, it became apparent that they were a super kind of NORMAL. Not extraordinary…or were they? We would buy the best kind of toys that were newest on the market, but MY kids preferred the huge box it came in. They could change that box into just about any toy you could imagine; a house, a car, a storefront. Isn’t that how Carnegie, Vanderbilt, and the Rockefellers started? My kids were geniuses in the making!

But let us move on to SAT and ACT prep, as it all started when they were wee little ones!

Want the fall leaves cleaned up? Give the kids a bag, and let them pile and jump, and see who can get the bag the fullest! MATH!

Does your kid want a cookie, and you refuse, and they give you a sound argument for the said cookie? REASONING!

Did you give your little darling a choice between the stretchy pants, and fitted? COMPARISON!

My point is that from the day they came into the world, you have been there to cheer, to teach, and to catch their falls. You have mentored, and you have scolded. You refused to do the class project on their behalf (and if you did do it…go to the back of the class. You are in time out!!), and you made sure a snack or two was available during loads of homework. You listened to the complaints and the whining, and you cooled the fevered forehead. You have done all of the prep work to help them get this far. It is like the day you handed over the car keys and let them drive solo. You were nervous, they were nervous, but you were both prepared.

So here we are, the senior year, and so much to do. As much as you would like to do it all, it is the task of your child. They need to seek out the recommendations. They need to find out the deadlines. They need to do the work to get through this final step to begin their futures. You can sit the second chair for this project. If they need you, by all means, step up! Find the folder with all of the awards. Remind them of accomplishments they may have forgotten. Read their essays; help with suggestions, but by all means, DON’T WRITE IT for them!

I know so many parents who continue to dream their dream for their son or daughter’s future, and I know for sure is that if your dream is not theirs, they will not succeed. Would you ever want to go to a doctor who does not want to be a doctor, but is one because their mother, father or culture dictated it? NEVER!

Consider the colleges that are the best fit. Consider your kids’ dreams. Consider that dream, and add in the cost of the University. Is it the dream job that they want, or the University name? Can that dream job be accomplished at a lesser-known (and possibly less expensive) school? Have the serious talk about college offers. “Son, I know you want Harvard, but if XYZ gives you a financial package, that is the offer we will take.” Your kid wants the party school? That is a personal family choice, and should not be a naïve decision later, where you are heard saying, “I had no idea it was a party school.” Have that discussion NOW! Be clear. That way when the March mailbox is full, there will be no argument of what is best for your kid. Your child has worked so hard to survive high school, and you worked hard as a parent to raise them. Your son or daughter nearly has their wings! Dry your tears and toast yourself for a job well done.

Now go clear the dining room table! College applications are soon due!

Oh, wait! One more thing… If your darling does get into the college of their dreams, please consider leaving out “WE got into XYZ,” because I promise the dorms do not accommodate parents as roommates, and if they do, they are happy to double the tuition!