I do not doubt that when my son received notice that he had to serve a detention, his heart dropped to the floor. He had been doing great at school, and now this tiny bump in the road. How on earth would he explain? It turns out he chose the slippery slope of deception.

Seems back in December, he left what is called “tutorial” early with another student or two, without permission. He walked out of a class. Now that is odd to me, as he is only twelve, and it would seem a no-brainer that you stay in class until the bell rings. But,  my son is a twelve-year-old boy, and logic does not always come into play in his decision-making. So he received detention. I am OK with swift punishment for “crimes” of misconduct in school. I have no problem with this.

However, swift was not the case—it took a full month to receive punishment, and I will return to this in just a moment.

We have had one other detention in this family, also with a twelve-year-old. In this case, it was our oldest daughter. She left a book or backpack outside the classroom, and she was assigned detention. She served the humiliating thirty minutes immediately following school that day. Swift, and without fanfare, just like removing a band-aid. When I came after school to pick up and could not find her, I was alerted to her detention, which was soon over. There she sat with her head buried on her desk. The “perfect” student was humiliated. It was her only detention, and the only time she left a book outside the classroom. She suffered enough and was not punished any further. She knows I support the teacher and school in this policy, so why even try to argue the case?

Back to my son, as he tackles the moral dilemma that lay between truth and fiction. Remember he left early way back in December. Fast forward to January 11th, or so, when he comes home from school with his head hanging so low, it nearly touches the ground. He looks sullen and is just not himself. Even my husband notices. We query as to what is wrong, and he insists nothing. “I am just tired,” he tells us over and over again. We both know something is up, but cannot get it out of him. I end up chalking it up to his up-coming baseball evaluations.

Fast forward six days to when I pick up at my usual time. His sister seems a bit worried that she cannot find him. She had checked his usual spots, so I suggested she go to the office.

The office told her to wait about five more minutes, as that is when kids with detention are dismissed. DETENTION? I sat waiting and wondering what he possibly could have done, as he seemed pretty good when I dropped him off this morning.

And here is where the carefully crafted lie comes in to play.

Five minutes go by, and I see my son approaching the car in the rear-view mirror. As he gets closer to the car, he starts to smile.

He was going into “character” to make the lie more believable. “Hi, Mom! I was in the library, and lost track of time, and had to go to the bathroom… so sorry I am late!” I am thinking in my head that the lie is pretty good, and if his sister had not been to the office, I might have believed him. “Gosh, really?” I say. “Is that why you just happened to come out when the detention kids came out?” And just then, he stops, and the face droops as I demand he tell me the truth. “Yes, I had detention,” he says very quietly. As he sits in the very back of the car, his sister approaches, and I tell her to say nothing, especially since I drive her best friend home every day, as well. So, we drive in silence, except for the radio. After I drop the friend, I bring up the lie and ask why he made that choice. “I thought I would get in trouble,” he said. “Really?” I shoot back. And so I told him “Now you are in trouble! If you had just come forward with the detention, you probably would have gotten a short lecture on following rules, and not leaving early, but this was hardly punishment worthy outside of the detention you received.” But now?

Each of our kids knows that the lie is the biggest crime. If you come clean off of the bat, it will not hurt nearly as much as the punishment you will receive for lying. They are told this time and time again. And sometimes, they test the theory with a lie, only to find out they were wrong — very wrong.

Kids make mistakes. No doubt about it, and I want my kids to learn that coming forth with the truth is far better than staying back to craft a lie. It blows up in their face every single time. The punishment for lying is always much worse. In this case, the new x-box has gone into the closet for two weeks. There is no after-school play time for the rest of the week, and he will do dishes solo for the rest of the week. I am the meanest mom on the block for a reason, and I am OK with this punishment, and surprisingly so is my son. After tears were shed; his, not mine and hugs were given, my son has a clear understanding of the lesser of two evils, which is that lying will trump the crime every single time.

I am not pleased with the school that doles out the punishment nearly a month later, but that is another story for another time. This is a story about a mother and a son. I am raising him to be a man who will take responsibility for his actions, and not hide them, or pass the buck to someone else to claim. It doesn’t matter that other kids left the room. It only matters that my son chose to leave as well.