Breastfeeding mothers of the world, prepare yourselves for what I am about to share. I chose not to breastfeed.

WHAT?

Don’t worry, I can hear your collective gasp, and all I can think in my head is … why judge?

Why are we judging a mother’s choice on how she feeds her child? Before you decide I am unworthy of being on the planet or even calling myself a mother, STOP! Let me share with you why I made that choice for my child(ren) and myself.

As long as I could remember, I wanted to be a mother. It turns out, I had to really, really want to be a mother, as I miscarried seven times before my first child was born. I was pregnant thirteen times to eventually having the sheer joy of mothering four.

When my firstborn arrived, I had just completed a marathon 40-week throw-up session. I was sick all day, every day for nine months. It turns out that growing a baby is not something my body enjoys, and I have an adverse reaction. By the time she was born, I was clinically malnourished. She took every good bit of me for herself, and I was more than happy to give it to her. After seven miscarriages, it was the very least I could do for a healthy outcome. So, it was not because I am selfish or not mother enough. My body needed to heal. The perfect formula was available, and so it was what I nourished my child with. I had a trick that I used exclusively with my first born. Only I fed her for her first three months. Just mom and baby settled in, and away she went. We made eye contact, she felt the warmth and smell of mom, and she knew my voice, and that I, her mother would be the sole nurturer for those first twelve weeks of life. It was beautiful, and I would not change that decision for anything. She was healthy, and I recovered from my pregnancy.

It turns out, I needed that recovery period, because in a mere 12–16 weeks later, our second daughter was on her way. I was pretty sick again but managed because I had to. I had an infant to care for. When I was seven-plus months pregnant with Alexandra, I was in a horrible car vs. Mack truck car accident on the freeway. The truck driver was at fault. I was the only one injured out of the three other adults and one baby in the car, and one in the womb. My left shoulder broke the driver side window. That is how hard I hit. Alexandra safely arrived two months later, and I was immediately treated with powerful narcotics and anti-inflammatory drugs to ease the pain of what was a torn rotator cuff. The doctors were not 100 percent sure of the what effect if any the drugs would have on my milk, but I was not taking any chances. I chose not to breastfeed. Not only did my body need to heal from the constant throwing up, but needed to recover from a horrible accident. The Same protocol followed in that I was the sole provider of feedings for my newborn daughter.

Two years later, another daughter arrived. Sadly, she also died six hours later. Stephanie was born with Trisomy 18, which is an extra chromosome, and although chances of survival have improved today, babies like Stephanie rarely survive.

I thought my baby days were over, but four years later, Sabrina arrived, and one year and one week later, our last baby Steven. My pattern of extreme sickness ensued, and some other health factors were added to the equation. Once again, I enjoyed that exclusive mama feeding, which I believe is the greatest gift of motherhood. That one on one uninterrupted time with the brand new baby.

None of my children were breastfed, for the reasons I have explained above. Making the best choice for my family did not hinder their growth, nor their intelligence. The first daughter is a practicing patent lawyer, the second a movie producer. Both are happy, healthy adults.

Sabrina is just completing her freshman year of college, and Steven is graduating from high school in a few short weeks. They are also happy and healthy with brilliant futures ahead of them.

Choosing to breastfeed, or choosing formula is highly personal, and should not be judged either way. The newest trend of pumping and bottle feeding baffles me. But again, it is highly personal. I am sure these women have their reasons, and believe it is best for their babies. I would argue otherwise. This is where parenting wars escalate. Who is right? Who could say? Does formula feeding cause autism? Or is it environmental, and therefore passed through breast milk? Google that question, and you will find hundreds of thousands of thoughts. In one essay, the author seeks to blame formula. And yet, every comment refers to a child that was breastfed and is still autistic.
There is no answer.

At the end of the day, what is most important is the health and well-being of YOUR child. Shaming other parents for their choice is just ugly. So, while I can hear a collective gasp and whisper of “Oh no she didn’t,” I could turn the tables and say I saw you give your breastfed perfect child a juice box. That was a choice I never made for mine.

Be gentle with your fellow moms and their choices. Everyone has a story, and their reasons might surprise you. No parent is a failure who nourishes and cares for their child. We are all in this together. What is most important is the overall well being of your individual family unit. I will support your decision either way.  What I know for sure, is fed is best!